Divorce is Good and Very Important In the Institution of Marriage

PROVOCATIVE: DO YOU AGREE THAT DIVORCE IS AS IMPORTANT TO MARRIAGE AS WEDDING?

I want to shock you now by what I am going to say. But if you think about it, you would find that I am logical and right.

Divorce is good and very important in the institution of marriage. Without the possibility of divorce, many people will never want to marry. Divorce is the only logical exit from a bad marriage decision. Every decision we make in life has to have an exit option in order for us to make it. For instance, if you register a company, you always know that if the business fails, you can wind it up. If you end up in a bad employment, you can resign. If you hire the wrong staff, you can fire her.

The existence of an exit option makes the cost of a decision affordable and it makes the decision optimal. If you do anything without the opportunity to correct a mistaken decision, the tendency is to avoid making that decision. If you are about to register a business and they tell you that regardless of any reasons, you will never be able to get out of that business, you will not register.

If there is no divorce, why should I marry unless you can prove to me that the woman I want to marry is perfect. Since you cannot show me she will be perfect, I would not afford the risk of any mistake in the decision to marry her. So, I will not marry her. I would rather stay single.

Also, the fact that my wife can divorce me if I maltreat her, I would not want to maltreat her. I would always know she has a choice and I would do whatever I could to make sure she stays with me. But assuming I know that whatever I do, this wife is stuck with me, then there is no consequence to bad behaviour. I would treat her as I like, after all, there is no consequence for that.

Divorce is therefore something positive. It is what makes marriage possible. It is also what forces people to treat their spouses well.

Now, in Nigeria where a woman cannot leave her husband easily regardless of how he treats her, you can see how the Nigerian men treat their wives. Out of every 10 Nigerian men that are married, 9 have girlfriends and can even marry a second wife. The social attitude against divorce in Nigeria forces women to take all manner of insult and abuse from their husbands. If Emeka Ike realised that this woman could divorce him, he would have treated her better. All this public claim to be begging her to come back would have taken the form of good behaviour all along.

So, if you really think logically and scientifically, you will come to realise the great importance of divorce. It is as important as wedding.

Often, when I tell a Nigerian woman that i am divorced, she would say sorry to me as if something bad happened to me. I always wonder how backward they are. My ex wife and I have probably greater respect for each other than many married couples in Nigeria. I know her rights and she knows mine. We don't have problem. But when I see some marriages in Nigeria, I can't believe it. The man is yelling at the woman as if she is his employee or domestic servant. And occasionally, the woman is insulting the husband as if he is a piece of shit. I can't believe it. It is because the our Nigerian society has this hypocritical attitude toward divorce. It is okay to beat your wife but it is not okay to divorce her or for her to divorce you.

I once attended a Nigerian wedding where the father of the birding, speaking on behalf of the brides family, pointed at the pile of gifts they brought for the couple and said:

"I don't ever want you the beat my daughter with your fist. Women, as you know, are like children. If she annoys you and you have beat her, use this piece of cane and beat her with it. But never use your fist"

Can you imagine that the same people would tell the lady that despite how often he uses the cane on you, you cannot divorce him. It is horrible.

Also, without divorce, how do you think people get out of bad marriage decisions? They kill their spouses - poison him or strangle her. Come on. I would prefer divorce anytime to these alternative ways of getting out of a failed marriage or correcting a bad marriage decision .

Written by: Emeka Ugwuonye