Neighbour's Versions

(An addendum to "My Neighbour" by Anita and "After My Neighbour" by Chinedu)

Authors:
Odili Chux
Richflamz onyeka
Lizzy Ikele

NEIGHBOURS VERSION 1
By Odili Chux

I will always remember the day Emeka and I were soaked in rain. This was as a result of taking a longer route  from office after close of work… all these was Emeka’s idea.(what are friends for?)…. Emeka is a handsome “lover boy” who has been a secret admirer of Anita. He had earlier given me a hint of how he has been seeing Anita with a guy on several occasions but it seems the guy had disappeared all of a sudden out of the country in the past months.

This explains why Emeka my friend has been having this unusual desire to buy “suya” every evening even when he had no appetite for it (because aboki shop near Anita house)….love nwa tin tin.

Like play like play my guy build up morale and told me all the love stories and how his heart beats faster each time he sees Anita. I concur… afterall headmaster was once a school boy.

Our familiarity with Anita’s neighbours grew stronger as we always walk around the neighbourhood…like person wey him fowl loss…. hoping she would incidentally come out. Some days we got lucky to see her back as she make quick move inside her apartment…. but some other days we spend hours in vain. “Delta boy no dey kary last naaa”….. So I suggested he takes the bull by the horn by walking straight to Anita’s apartment to speak up his mind instead of singing the love songs to my ears…besides I no wear skirt. So we planned this “adventure” for the next day.

“Kpo kpo” my friend knocked on Anita’s door,…trust neighbours naaa… we noticed a peep from a door opposite hers(face me and face wahala)… couldn’t comprehend sentence from the sound of the whisper...But I over heard a mocking laughter…accompanied with “na dem” …. At this moment I guess …Emeka morale go don low….shortly we got a response and we stood still expectantly.

My friend and I were surprised when the little girl of about 8-9years of age replied our quest to see Anita, saying she had gone for night vigil….this was Friday evening. This was how we shamefully went back home.

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NEIGHBOUR'S VERSION 2
by Lizzy Ikele

Hmmm! You know they said when one door closes,another one opens. No be so them talkam? Chai! I no go school and I sure say Madam Akpos no even go,but our head dey there! You already know... Hehehehehe! Chai!!...

Eheen come o, you remember I was telling you about this our neighbour across the street,Anita. I'm sure you still remember I told you about this new guy that has been tripping for her. Mrs Akpos said he follows her the same way a fly follows someone that has faeces on her! Hahahaha!..

From our 'White House',we saw this guy move into the same compound three months ago. This guy mean business o! 'Another Tony don come. Very soon the Mama go come visit am'. Mrs Akpos said to me. 'I think it will be Anita's mother this time around. This is the era of change'. I replied. But we later learnt his name is Fred. Whether it is Fredrick or Fredrico,we don't know. That's what our darling Anita calls him. Poor girl!..

The way the guy stares at her eh! The other day I was at the shop down the street to buy a bottle of chilled Fanta and I met him there. The girl passed-by while we were there and this Fred,while staring at her with a sheepish smile on his face,forgot to collect his change. Hmmm!... I've forgotten what this guy in our yard,Onyeka said it is called. He said something like head over the fence abi na head over the hill or mountain. Chai! This young people self!..

For me,this one na head inside the swimming pool. Check am naa... But It's like our girl doesn't even have his time from what people are saying. Kpe! If na you nko... Abeg we don't even blame her a bit. 'Yes naa' Mrs Akpos said. 'Once beaten twice shy'. 'So you know how to speak this kind oyibo!'. I asked,looking at her with admiration. 'Kpe!' she said with a wave of her hand 'I didn't tell you William Shakespeare was my English teacher back in school'. 'Really?' I asked with incredulity. 'Ehee naa. Na condition make crayfish bend' she said,looking serious.

Hmmm! Can you imagine that? That woman eh,she sabi yarn. But I think she was mistaking the dream she had two nights ago for her reality. The truth is that I don't like boasting. If not, you would have  heard that Oprah Winfrey was my classmate back in school....

Anyway, the tori wey dey for town now be say,hmmm, they say police don catch Tony for London put am for prison sake of say him be wan do one oyibo girl the same thing him do our beautiful,darling Anita.hmmm! Biko jee gwazia ndi yard unu.

But don't say I told you o! Bye bye...

*closing my door*

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NEIGHBOUR'S VERSION
By Richflamz Onyeka

Lizzy, I know you as a professional amebo but these details you have is making me suspect you. You and this communication Mrs. Akpos self eee! I believe say IMSU VC go give una Honourary Doctorate Degree in Local and International Gossips for this convocation wey go hold next month, because you are the best at what you do (Asiri).

That is how you and Mama Shedrach (Mrs. Akpos) were spreading false information that I travelled to Calabar to visit a Sugar Mummy just because I told you I was travelling to Uyo  for MWA Anniversary last August. My dear All these una dey do it is good?

Ok But seriously ooo, I myself too don been dey notice the change in attitude of this Tony for that neighborhood. The rate at which he buys fruits daily from that girl that sells fruits and veggies at the junction before roundabout baffles me. At some point I came to a conclusion that it is either he is under a diet prescription or he is trying to impress someone #As_a_guy_na. #We_know_whatsup. Na so i take dey spend my last card on airtym wey i dey try impress. Almost 1k every day. #guys_too_mumy_eee...

It didn’t take long before I started seeing our DG – Anita around him. At first I thought it was the usual Neighbor – Neighbor paroles like me and Lizzy, but  I later found out from my usual RADIO WITHOUT BATTERY - My dearest Lizzy that Our DG – Anita has synchronised her love into Tony life. M we tie mkpu si chai! How could Anita fall for this guy, knowing his lifestyle and not minding the efforts of Our Oga at the Top #I_no_mention_name_ooo. Or it is for his money (because I know say Anita too like money)

E no take long again my dear Lizzy come download me the latest gist, how our man Tony take abandon Anita run go another place (Only God knows where) but thank God say Anita don yarn the true tori for the matter because me been dey plan to go console her so i go fit tender my application/declaration of interest from there but her countenance then was something else.

Thanks to Oga Hardy for revealing that somebody is trying to bring her back to our world.

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